This post will be a dramatic one. A lot of try-hard hyperboles but my whole life feels like a badly-written hyperbole at the moment so I’m going to indulge in it for a bit.
A lot has happened over the past few weeks, it’s been increasingly difficult to keep up.
Lately I feel like I keep missing the mark on things and it’s been frustrating to say the least. I think I’ve been emotionally investing in the wrong things and when that realisation hit me, it jerked me off this superficial high – and I’m struggling to land properly.
A few days ago I was told a piece of news that sent my whole body into a reverberating shock it might as well have felt like a kick in the balls. If I had a pair, I’d assume it would have the same sort of impact – pretty sure I mimicked the crying part really well but I digress.
With all that’s been going on, I’m wondering if there is any compensation – or lesson behind all of this. Ya girl is still trying to figure it all out and so far living in apprehension isn’t doing me much good, especially during seasons where all she wants to do is focus on the few things that are actually making her happy.
Onto more positive things; I’m embarking on multiple new journeys, and that’s exciting. I hope I won’t lose the drive to continue, despite the struggles and what may come. I think for once in a long time, there’s some sort of meaning as to what I’m doing and that feels wonderful.
I think I’ve been spreading myself way too thin over the course of the few weeks. It’s unfamiliar – which is why I’m struggling to find my footing because how can you when the ground is shaking beneath your feet? I need time to myself for a while and recuperate. Honestly, it’s a little ugly when you realise you can’t understand your actions around people anymore. Not that I’ve been doing a lot of questionable things (actually to be perfectly honest, I haven’t been doing anything remotely close to questionable) but I just keep assessing situations wrongly and feel uneasy after handling them.
Maybe I’m being too hard on myself but who knows at this point?
But Urbanscapes is happening this whole month – so maybe alone time afterwards.