It’s about 7 minutes in on my 22nd birthday, this warrants a victory speech.
Let me tell you what 21 felt like.
It was frightening and confusing.
Being 21 meant experimenting with many different things for me. I was dipping my feet into a whole new territory that I wasn’t equipped to handle. Like a fish out of water writhing desperately to return to the sea, I wanted to go back to my comfort zone. In some ways I still have one foot out and dry, but not so much that it leaves me unsatisfied.
But there were many lessons that came with the fear and confusion.
I learnt to be more open-minded, to recognise my weak points and make an effort to overcome them. I learnt that making changes to yourself is difficult a.f, and failing merely indicates growth. Despite all the self-deprecating, and the intention of talking about my trials and errors in a negative way, I’m going to pat myself on the back and deservingly admit that I turned out pretty damn well.
It’s been a vomit-inducing roller coaster ride but I managed to stick through them all and I’m proud of myself.
I’m sure everyone has their fair share of uncertainties in life and it seems to increase as you grow older but take birthdays as milestones to reflect what you have accomplished in that year.
Self doubt will always be my biggest hurdle but I made an accomplishment by identifying what it was that made me unhappy and that is good enough for me, even if it took one whole year of figuring it out.
So I leave this post with many prayers that 22 will be a good year. For the first time, my vision of the future is blurred completely. I have no idea what’s in-store for me next year. Am I afraid? Hell yeah, but that’s a concern I’m willing to face for the betterment of myself.
Enough self-reflection. Bed time.